Broken

If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard from me, it’s because I’m not doing very well right now. I had thought I was getting better for a little while, there was less pain, I had more energy and got some blog posts published – things looked hopeful – but the heavy load of antibiotics that had made that brief and glorious period of being more like my old self again possible also enabled the systemic mycosis infection to rage out of control and I’ve deteriorated rapidly over the past few days. I am in more pain than I have been in for a long time and for me that is saying a lot. It is hard to walk or even to sit here to type this so I’m going to try to keep it short so I can go back to bed. The specialist is aware of this issue and sent a new script to the pharmacy for stronger stuff to kill the things that are killing me, and I have an appointment to see my specialist this weekend. I hope that by then I’ll be a little less crippled up since it’s a 100 mile round trip drive. I’m sick of this; not just being sick, and writing about it, but also sick of the toll that the treatment itself takes on me, and of the burden of paying for all that I need to deal with this nightmare, which is a heavy one. I’m tired of fighting this. Apologies to anyone who has sent messages that I haven’t answered. Hopefully this is just a temporary setback, but in the meantime, I’m broken.

 


I’m going back to bed.

 

UPDATE – August 4, 2012 6:00 PM:

Thank you to everyone who has offered kind words, thoughts and prayers here in the comments section, in emails, and on facebook and Twitter; they mean a lot to me, and a huge thank you to friends who have hit my Tip Jar – it will now be a lot easier to put gas in the car to make the trip to my doctor tomorrow morning (yes, they are open on Sundays because they have patients who require daily IV medications – and since Sunday is the only day my husband can stay home to watch the kids, I am very fortunate that they can see me tomorrow) and to pay for the appointment and medications. While I am still physically miserable (the worst of what I am dealing with is mind numbing pain that goes from my lower back down into my legs which makes it hard to walk, coupled with intense pain from deep inside of my bones, especially in my knees, shins, and the bones on top of my feet, and the miserable itchy blister rash on the sides of my face, my neck, and my chest is back – and I truly hate being itchy), and I have spent most of the past couple of days laying down, but your support has helped to lift my spirits and I truly appreciate the encouragement. My appointment is at 8 in the morning so I’ll be getting up early to leave here by 7, hopefully I can be back home before everybody at my house even wakes up for the day (they all usually sleep late on Sundays).

Thank you to everyone who has linked to this post (my pingback notification thingy doesn’t work the way that it should, so if you linked here and I missed it, please let me know and I will add you in an update): The Other McCain, The Lonely Conservative, Nice Deb (and again at FavStocks), The Jawa Report, The Camp Of The Saints,  Evil Blogger Lady, Sentry Journal, and, Conservative Hideout. Also, a very special thank you to Natasha at MooseandSquirrel, who wrote a beautiful post about me which also includes additional helpful information about the raging epidemic that few people are aware of which has not only taken me down but also hundreds of thousands of others all across North America and around the world. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life and inside of my computer. I love you all.

I will try to write in more detail about how my condition got to the point where it is now when I have a little bit more energy, because it was a series of weird little symptoms that should have tipped me off that this was coming, and if I’d realized what they were signs of and called my doctor sooner, I probably could have spared myself a lot of agony – so maybe if I write about those details, it may help someone else who finds themselves dealing with similar stuff, but right now I need to go back to bed for a little while and then prepare for my long journey in the morning. Thanks again for the support.

Update II – August 6, 2012 10:35 AM:

I went to my specialist yesterday (thank you to all of the friends and readers who helped make that trip possible!), the ride was long but not bad because there is hardly anyone on the highways of The Hudson Valley early on Sunday mornings. My doctor thinks I should continue with the present course of medications which includes the higher dose of the one that works to kill the mycosis, because I really did seem to finally start to be getting better before the latest nosedive and hopefully I’ll improve again soon. I am still in a lot of pain and very very tired, but I am grateful to everyone who took the time to show me that they care and to the people who helped me out, I cannot thank you enough. I would like to get back to blogging about things other than my health issues as soon as possible, as I imagine that people may be growing as weary of reading about my medical problems as I am of writing about them. I did create a new website specifically for Lyme and other tick borne diseases a few weeks ago, although I have not had a chance to do much with it yet, so at some point I’ll try to separate my political blogging from my tick sick blogging because I have accumulated a lot of information that might be helpful to others who find themselves in this sort of situation. I realize my grammar is terrible right now, what with the run on sentences and all, and I apologize for that, the illness screws up stuff in the brain and wrecks up a person’s skills sometimes.

 

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