You may have noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Sorry about that. Homeschooling the kids takes a lot of my time & mental energy, and a dangerous life threatening medical situation crept up on me which I almost didn’t figure out until it was too late because I had simply attributed the exhaustion, nausea, explosive migrating body pains and cognitive problems to a flare up of the damned tick diseases when it was in fact that Adrenal Insufficiency thing creeping up on me (again) that very nearly could have killed me.
As some of you know, when I first figured out that I had acquired the AI, I could not find a decent endocrinologist and I tried to manage it on my own with prednisone that I happened to have a supply of on hand thanks to all my breathing problems that had been plaguing me before this new thing which may be related and was probably all caused by the damned tick diseases, and I managed the AI so poorly that I ended up with very severe Cushing’s Syndrome which added over 60 pounds to my previously very thin frame, disfigured me with the “moon face” and “bufffalo hump”, and gave me astronomically high blood pressure which hovered at around 300/200 but amazingly didn’t kill me even though it stayed like that for well over a month before it slowly started to come back down once I found a good endo to treat both the conditions I now have.
It has been a slow process to try to recover from Cushing’s, but I remain Adrenal Insufficient, which means my body does not produce a hormone called cortisol which is required for being alive. So, I was very slowly tapered down from the prednisone and put on a “friendlier” corticosteroid, Hydrocortisone, which is closer to what a normal body would produce for itself than the prednisone so I finally began to look less like a monster and more like a human person, albeit a somewhat chubby one. I did not like being seen with the Cushing’s disfiguration, the stares cut me to the core, but as a lady who just looks a little fat, nobody really stared anymore and I was feeling a little better about myself even though I still can’t fit into any of my clothes other than sweats and pajamas and I can’t afford to buy anything that would fit so I could look sort of normal again and be less inclined to want to be a shut in.
I managed to get down to a “maintenance” dose of HC that keeps me alive and mostly keeps me out of trouble, but if I get hurt or sick I have to watch out for something called an adrenal crisis because normal bodies produce more cortisol under duress and mine cannot so if I am not careful I can go into shock, or a coma, or drop dead. So I am supposed to watch out for low blood pressure and other symptoms of an impending crisis, but like I said, I feel crappy a lot from the tick diseases so it did not occur to me to really check my pressure until last Saturday when I got REALLY dizzy and nauseous while my hands shook badly and I broke out in a cold sweat, feeling like I was about to faint. So I stumbled to my blood pressure machine and I took it a few times to be sure it was not a mistake, and saw that my pressure was hovering at around 80/50. So I doubled my hydrocortisone as I have been told to do and my pressure went up a enough for me to think it was no longer an emergency, but I still felt horrible. And I still feel horrible. Even on double dose steroids, my pressure stayed low, at around 90/60 to 100/70,so midweek I called my endo and he told me that I should have gone to the hospital for IVs on Saturday and if it goes that low again I need to get to the ER ASAP. (Calling 911 brings help in no less than a half an hour, BTW) I have had to instruct Lil Zilla about calling 911 and reading my medic alert bracelet to them if I collapse while husband is not home. I still feel like crud a week later and the extra HC has me puffing back up again which is really having a negative effect on my relationship with mirrors, and of course I can’t wear any of my normal clothes and even my PJs look bad since the Cushing’s blows up the belly & face before it blows everything else up. I am very tired and in a lot of pain, but still putting on a smile for my kids during the day while educating them.
I’m just too wiped out to do much else! I do sometimes use my lazyblogger button at my spare blog, HERE, if you want to see some of the rants that I click out from my phone in bed.
I do the best I can to keep my head about me during the day, and it helps that I invested in good books for the kids’ homeschool, but between the havoc that the tick diseases have wreaked in my brain and the fact that I am still recovering from almost dropping dead last week (I am told it is “normal” to be all kinds of screwed up when recovering from an AI incident), a few things I should have been minding slipped my attention, such as automatic charges for BsCN‘s server and a charge that went through for something else on a completely different date than what I thought it would, and that cleaned out my bank account thanks to the bank’s love of clobbering me with $35 fees while not covering the charges and then hitting me with fees again when the next day they decide to not cover the same charge some more so they can hit me with more fees.
It is of course my own fault for being stupid, but I have just been so miserably ill and just barely keeping it together – and don’t even get me started about the anxiety issues that my medical conditions leave me vulnerable to on top of being too broke to do anything and freaking out over how I might possibly cover the things I need to right now, like my connection to the world, printer ink for the kids’ homeschool work, a much needed trip to the eye doctor to follow up about that glaucoma thing, and the pipe dream I have about maybe one day getting clothes I can fit into so I can leave the house and not feel ashamed of how I look so much as I do now.
I’m hoping my blood pressure and endocrine system will stabilize soon, I’m sure my gloomy outlook might be related to the medical mess, and I am really hoping to avoid going to an ER since my immune system is already compromised and the lunatics running our country have gone and set a pestilence loose in America.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated, as would a little bit of help if anyone can spare it. Sorry to be such a downer, but even sorrier to have been MIA from here for so long. Maybe now that I’ve gotten some of this off of my chest, out of my head, and onto the blog, my dark clouds will clear a bit and I can go back to doing what I like to do best at this blog: rhetorically beating up on the bad guys.
Email Me: Zilla@MareZilla.com